Friday, February 21, 2014

Reflection and Growth

I have made a terriable habbit of Neglecting this Blog, But with all that I have been trying to accomplish latley, Spiritualy, personaly , within my home and with my family I felt the need to get back to having a blog. Over the last two years a lot has changed. That really is no supprise at all because for any one A LOT can change in the span of just a year. But for me . . . im just reflecting on the last two for right now. my last post . . . dated almost a year ago Noted a few changes. One was the loss of a dear family friend to Combat in Afganistan . . . another was langthy period of poor health for me, the move of two very special friends to distant parts of the US, and the absolute worst of all the nasty betrayl of two people I was very close friends with as well as s heart breaking betrayl made by someone even closer to me than a friend. I wont get into all the Scadelous details of thoughs but I want to mention them because at almost this very same time last year I had decided to make choices that I belive by the grace of god allowed me to accomplish what i have so far and put me where I am and needed to be today. Allowing me to set New goals of personal and spiritual growth and helping me to conqur and triumph over all said previous adverities, and emptional set backs . Belive me, they were painful and nasty So to update this, im still a mother of two, I still love to cook and hate to clean. How ever I have Gotten back into intrests I had previous to my accident and previous to being married and having children, im very happy. I have been taking classes and branching out into the community more and learning from and networking with other artists and mothers and moms and wives and people in general. its opened other doors creativly also, I have been trying to stay physicaly active as and keep the children active and engaged, I feel alot better about who I am now than I did two years ago and I hope that I can just continue to grow and blossom. Parts of my heart are healing and I hope that some of my relationships will too. I have spent alot of free times learning to work with various artistic meduim and applications. Art is a great pasion of mine , I dont attempt to make art because im good at it or I hope to be, I mostly just do it cause I love to create! I just love it. I really struggled with finding the ability to be a wife,mother and homekeeper for a long time up untill this last year. So much so that it may have bordered on some sort of sever depression. I wasnt struggling to love my kids and husband but I was stuggling to love my self and my place in my home and in my marriage. After every thing i went threw in 2012 I just could not go on living the way that I Was. I have always and will always struggle when i put to much on my plate and try to do too many things its just who i am but taking care of my spiritual creative needs made me feel alive and im so greatful that god allowed me to discover this about myself. I still have alot of growing to do and alot of things i want to learn and to accomplish but im hoping I can keep track of them with this blog and share a little bit of that with myself when i go to look back at this a few years from now or maybe some one else can bennifit from my story. Persuing these things has enabled me to preform better in the home and with my children and husband. Im still me. I still rarely finish every thing I start and I still get very distracted but I will do my best.

Monday, January 7, 2013

too long

its been over a year since i have posted a blog . . . . im very dissapointed that i wasnt able to fallow up. unfortunatly i was in the hospital most of last year.after my husband returned home from iraq i was pretty much emeditaly hospitilized and stayed that way off and on. not sure if i mentioned it befor but im a paraplaigic. and i had developed a pressure ulser that had gotten quite nasty and even after months in the hospital it had tunneled down to the bone and i was very very sick. i probably lost close to 35 lbs. but dont worry i gained it back. so now im trying to take care of my self and my family a little better. in the last year my husband has returned from a deployment and a dear family friend was killed in afganistan, i had some close friends betray me and even better friends, move away. but ill post more about that later. its curently january of 2013 and i never thought i would make it here, it is by the grace of god that i have and he has blessed me threw all our trials.

Friday, July 22, 2011

deployments are hard......

there are millions of reasons why they are so difficult for families and marriages and some of them are sooo obvious . . . but the one no one mentioned . . . . at least not to me or they didn't explain more clearly (and i really wish they would have), is that for some of us . . . . the first little while after they have left its like you are walking around in a different dimension all together.

For me . . . my husband is my anchor in many ways! and after he left and i finally had to start managing my life and Our life on my own with out him (as if he were on a leave of absence). it threw me for a loop! i had no idea what was going on it seemed. i hardly knew what to do with my self. not because i was overcome with lonesomeness or cause i was scared. but more so cause i had no one to balance my self off of. no one to help center me. if you know me you know that I'm a little off, im flighty, and flaky, impulsive and distracted, i talk to much! sometimes when i talk i will give too many details or not enough. i can very rarely start and finish anything not even a thought or a sentence.( I'm assuming because of the ADD) and while my husband is hardly free from any sort of deficit it seems he can hold me together because has all of the pieces that i am missing.
sometimes even just him being in the same room helps. my husband doesn't always talk about what hes thinking the way i do. and with him being gone and us only being able to talk for a few minutes a day every other day or sometimes every few days.(while i still feel very blessed and grateful for every moment) its hard! keeping my head on straight is a real challenge. i sometimes forget not to get to involved in other peoples business . . . . or i care to much about things that really do not matter at all. i get grouchy and bratty. small problems look huge. sometimes ill say to much and look like a jerk and other times i wont say enough and ill look dumb. i forget how to behave! i second guess every thing i do. in the areas where my husband has the most patients? im Freaking out !!!! when im impulsive hes in my ear telling me that the situation could end badly <---- this is usually in regard to finances. it took a little while and its been a learning experience but this deployment is showing me what im made of and who we are as a couple and individuals but mostly as a Family. i have had to put my faith in God allot more and really trust in him and draw closer to him when i need Guidance and protection for me and our family. i know that i could not do this with out him .

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Toad prince!

the night before last me and my girls all slept in the living room . . . . its kinda of become a regular thing. and i kinda like it cause i get a good work out in the morning getting up and into my chair. SOOO ANYWAY! they got up yesterday morning before i did.they let the dogs out and decided to play in the back yard! WHILE I TRIED TO PRY MY SELF AWAY FROM MY PILLOWS AND BLANKETS! then a few moments later they came running in flapping their arms and talking about how they found a frog and the dogs were trying to chase it and eat it. my eyes were still closed while she asked me for some thing to save it with. i don't remember answering her really but about 15 minutes later i opened my eyes again and there was a dark creature hopping around in a mason jar just a few inches from my face and two little children chirping and cooing for me to look at what they caught. it was a very healthy sized TOAD! and two of the most excited little children peering in at it with the biggest smiles on their faces! they were so thrilled! its moments like this that were the reason i decided to have a family. kids are so amazing and so fun. i loved being a kid and i love experiencing things with mine. i love watching them take in every thing. kids are so cool and magical and exciting.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sweet R&R

well now that its summer i have been trying to think of things i can do with my girls. we caught a break cause at the start of the summer the husband came home for two weeks during R&R. it was allot of fun! we didn't have a whole lot planned cause we just wanted to sit and stay in nc and enjoy each other. i on the other had was under the impression that every second would be filled with "family time" and "wife and husband alone time". it had not occurred to me that he might need to relax and do nothing. So relax he did!!!! ... at first i was a little brat about it cause after 6 long months all i wanted to do was hang out with him and do all the stuff we hand't been able to do since he was gone and just fill every moment with activity and SCHEDULED down time. so i was a little put out at first. bless his heart, he did want to hang out with us but he really just wanted to hang out with us and do nothing. I love my husband and i know that god picked up perfect for eachother. but we are polar oppisits in sooo many ways. Im a die hard extrovert and he is a total introvert. We have the little ones so we compromised kinda. we did go to the childrens museum in raleigh. Marbles!!!! that place is fun even if you are an adult !!!! they have all sorts of "hands on" fun. two stories to be exact! We also checked out the North carolina zoo in Asheboro nc. and BTW i want to go out of my way and say is kinda cool if you live close by and your only form of getting around is not a manual wheelchair? for me it was a tad bit HELLISH ! it was nice! the place was clean the animals were cool but we went on a summer week day and every thing in the park other than the attractions and animal pins were closed so when we ran out of a beverage we had to use the hot water fountains. and when we were hungry not a single place was open to get a hot dog or anything. just vending machines that my husband thought were way over priced! and that was it. but it was nice . . . had i gone with an eletric wheel chair, packed a lunch, and gone when the weather was nicer than i think we would have loved it. the drive up there i think was what i liked best you drive threw an area that if im not mistaken is kinda at the bottom of a mountain range and so you drive up threw hills and woods and little old towns where every thing is green and beautiful, and had a beautiful rustic charm. even the little trailer yards were so freaking quaint i could hardly stand it! there are little pottery shops and studios every few miles so charming it would be worth it just to go up there and stay the night or camp someplace or stay in a cottage or B&B but not to do the zoo again. also while he was home he took the girls for short little walks threw the woods close by the house and then got them a sprinkler for the yard and threw that out in the yard for the little ones to play in. they were so glad to have him home and our youngest especially. it was really sad when he had to leave again but every one keeps saying "at least the next time he comes home it will be for good!" little optimists! i guess its one of the bitter sweet things that come with sharing you life with and loving some one who serves in the military. ill probably be saying the exact same words to some other wife a few years from now.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Making things a bit more accesable

i mentioned before i was disabled. well one small challenge was how we were going to take the trash out all the way to the other side of the house in our side yard that if im not careful drops off what i call a small cliff . . . . ill take pictures of that when i figure out house to get back there . . . TADA!!!!!!!!!!!! now this works fine so long as I'm careful what i throw away!!!! and when i throw it away! and so long as no one forgets and leaves the lid open . . . the flys here are nothing like i have seen before and it can get nasty in the summer with the heat and all. and that is something i cant handle! AT ALL!!!!


i had thought i would post more pictures of the girls in their dresses but i didn't get many so i will have to take some of them in them later on.

but this is what the bunny brought them. its a small almost unspoken tradition for what the bunny puts in the basket and what we get for Easter and i have tried to do that every year that we have had kids.
the list goes:

chocolate bunny
package peeps <--- the chick ones

a movie
a constructive toy or craft.
and more chocolate !!!!

last year he brought us princess and the frog and this year he brought us tangled and a vegie tale movie.

after the baskets we got ready and went to church and then headed back home for an egg hunt on out street ! it was very cute !!!!! a few ladys organized it and it was a nice little treat but i think many famlies contributed the eggs. it was really nice.