Friday, July 22, 2011

deployments are hard......

there are millions of reasons why they are so difficult for families and marriages and some of them are sooo obvious . . . but the one no one mentioned . . . . at least not to me or they didn't explain more clearly (and i really wish they would have), is that for some of us . . . . the first little while after they have left its like you are walking around in a different dimension all together.

For me . . . my husband is my anchor in many ways! and after he left and i finally had to start managing my life and Our life on my own with out him (as if he were on a leave of absence). it threw me for a loop! i had no idea what was going on it seemed. i hardly knew what to do with my self. not because i was overcome with lonesomeness or cause i was scared. but more so cause i had no one to balance my self off of. no one to help center me. if you know me you know that I'm a little off, im flighty, and flaky, impulsive and distracted, i talk to much! sometimes when i talk i will give too many details or not enough. i can very rarely start and finish anything not even a thought or a sentence.( I'm assuming because of the ADD) and while my husband is hardly free from any sort of deficit it seems he can hold me together because has all of the pieces that i am missing.
sometimes even just him being in the same room helps. my husband doesn't always talk about what hes thinking the way i do. and with him being gone and us only being able to talk for a few minutes a day every other day or sometimes every few days.(while i still feel very blessed and grateful for every moment) its hard! keeping my head on straight is a real challenge. i sometimes forget not to get to involved in other peoples business . . . . or i care to much about things that really do not matter at all. i get grouchy and bratty. small problems look huge. sometimes ill say to much and look like a jerk and other times i wont say enough and ill look dumb. i forget how to behave! i second guess every thing i do. in the areas where my husband has the most patients? im Freaking out !!!! when im impulsive hes in my ear telling me that the situation could end badly <---- this is usually in regard to finances. it took a little while and its been a learning experience but this deployment is showing me what im made of and who we are as a couple and individuals but mostly as a Family. i have had to put my faith in God allot more and really trust in him and draw closer to him when i need Guidance and protection for me and our family. i know that i could not do this with out him .

No comments:

Post a Comment